Laws That You Weren't Aware Of
It is a law that all alcohol and drug treatment facilities must have insipid names (Serenity Meadows, Clean Horizons, Starting Points, Inspiration Ranch). That's how you tell if you have a drug or alcohol problem: If you don't find the names nauseating, you're fucked up and need help.
It is a law in all major cities that in the poorer neighborhoods, the back row of seats on city busses must at all times contain one of the following: A woman talking about how her children were taken away by CPS, a woman talking about her kids in a way that would get them taken away by CPS, an obviously broke person telling someone else how to handle their money, or two or more teenagers talking at high volume.
It is a law that at some point between the age of 8 and 14 all girls must contemplate changing the spelling of their names.
By recent ordinance, it is a law that all families who make under $30,000 per year, if they have one or more male child, must name at least one of them something that rhymes with "Aiden" (Braden, Jayden, Hayden, etc).
It is a law that models who model inexpensive clothing must wear as much of the clothing as possible. Conversely, it is the law that models who model expensive clothing must wear as little of the clothing as possible. Models for the most expensive clothing on the market, must be naked.
It is a law that any Whole Foods store must contain at least four lesbians at all times.
It is a law that any independently owned health food store must contain at least one person that looks absolutely terrified of something that only they know.
It is a law that during any night of Karaoke at some point a minimum of three drunk women in their early 20's must sing a song with their arms around each another.
It is a law that all airport security stations must have on staff one short, overweight, angry looking woman.
It is a law that within the city limits of all incorporated municipalities in the continental United States, at least one movie theater must be playing a movie featuring an African-American man dressed as a woman.
It is a law that all drag queens must be surly.
It is a law that persons bearing any of the following job titles are required to smell oddly pleasant: Baker, Dental Hygienist, Second Grade Teacher, Used Book Seller, Massage Therapist, Waitress or Waiter in an Italian Restaurant, Waitress (but not Waiter) in a Japanese Restaurant, Buddhist Monk, Veterinarian.
It is a law that downhill skiers must cultivate a nonspecific disdain for things in general. Cross Country (Nordic) skiers are not affected by this law.
It is a law that persons of a religious inclination must frequently miss the point.
It is a law that all fisherman, when asked about their catch, must make a full disclosure and offer a conjecture as to why.
By law, accountants are guaranteed the right to be interesting people, but only by special license.
You are required by law to laugh it at his article.
It is a law in all major cities that in the poorer neighborhoods, the back row of seats on city busses must at all times contain one of the following: A woman talking about how her children were taken away by CPS, a woman talking about her kids in a way that would get them taken away by CPS, an obviously broke person telling someone else how to handle their money, or two or more teenagers talking at high volume.
It is a law that at some point between the age of 8 and 14 all girls must contemplate changing the spelling of their names.
By recent ordinance, it is a law that all families who make under $30,000 per year, if they have one or more male child, must name at least one of them something that rhymes with "Aiden" (Braden, Jayden, Hayden, etc).
It is a law that models who model inexpensive clothing must wear as much of the clothing as possible. Conversely, it is the law that models who model expensive clothing must wear as little of the clothing as possible. Models for the most expensive clothing on the market, must be naked.
It is a law that any Whole Foods store must contain at least four lesbians at all times.
It is a law that any independently owned health food store must contain at least one person that looks absolutely terrified of something that only they know.
It is a law that during any night of Karaoke at some point a minimum of three drunk women in their early 20's must sing a song with their arms around each another.
It is a law that all airport security stations must have on staff one short, overweight, angry looking woman.
It is a law that within the city limits of all incorporated municipalities in the continental United States, at least one movie theater must be playing a movie featuring an African-American man dressed as a woman.
It is a law that all drag queens must be surly.
It is a law that persons bearing any of the following job titles are required to smell oddly pleasant: Baker, Dental Hygienist, Second Grade Teacher, Used Book Seller, Massage Therapist, Waitress or Waiter in an Italian Restaurant, Waitress (but not Waiter) in a Japanese Restaurant, Buddhist Monk, Veterinarian.
It is a law that downhill skiers must cultivate a nonspecific disdain for things in general. Cross Country (Nordic) skiers are not affected by this law.
It is a law that persons of a religious inclination must frequently miss the point.
It is a law that all fisherman, when asked about their catch, must make a full disclosure and offer a conjecture as to why.
By law, accountants are guaranteed the right to be interesting people, but only by special license.
You are required by law to laugh it at his article.
posted by John McKenna at 5:27 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home