The Sex Column
...Which is an appropriately Freudian title.
How can I put this delicately? I, uh...got a...thang goin' on with, um...somebody, and I find my thoughts drifting southward in a zipperly direction. However, after a protracted period of self imposed semi-celibate contemplation, my thoughts are of a decidedly different and more complex flavor than they were before. At least I think they are. Here then, are some poorly organized thoughts of a crotchal bent:
Sex is viewed by people as many things: passionate, sacred, icky, predatory, sinful, magical, joyous, and many more. However, I've never heard it described, at least in any public forum, the way (one way) I like to think of it. I like to think of it as two (or more I suppose) people getting together and fiddling with their genitals in childlike, innocent fun. Joyous after a fashion, but with a mischievous giggle and feeling of "secret play time". When viewed like that, it takes away the prejudices and assumptions that can make sex so emotionally turbulent. It puts it on your terms and your terms only. It opens up possibilities of acceptable behavior that were unattainable before: You can be monogamous or polyamorous, gay or straight or bi or any combination you want, intimately emotional or coldly mercenary, deeply in love or just friends, penetrative or nonpenetrative. Since it's a just a fun game between your and your partner's inner children, the "rules" are whatever you make them. I like that view.
(this thought is courtesy of my friend Kim) All people look good naked. Hard to grok that, I know, but it's true. Clothing binds people into shapes to which their bodies are not naturally inclined. Without the restrictions of clothing, the body returns to it's natural shape and the innate beauty of even the "ugliest" people comes through. Not everybody is gorgeous naked, but everybody's natural beauty shows itself when nude.
I don't believe in "foreplay". Not in the sense that I'm one of those guys that just wants to stick it in; I leave that to the religious fundamentalists and repressed homosexuals. No, I mean that the term "foreplay" implies that everything you do prior to sticking the dick in the hole is just prep for sticking the dick in the hole and that sticking the dick in the hole is the inevitable result. It could be that my opinion on this subject comes from having dated and slept with a number of lesbians, but if you are doing something, you should be doing that as well as you can, not just using it to get to the next activity. Think about it this way: If foreplay exists, then no lesbian ever has sex. Sex is not just penetration. It's a whole spectrum of activities from kissing to fisting, all of which, if done well, can be ends in themselves not just build-up to coitus.
One reasons for promiscuity? The sneaking suspicion that this will the last time you have sex, because you can never figure out what exactly you did to get into this situation in the first place.
Why is cocksucker an insult? There are certainly worse things you could do to somebody. It's actually a pretty nice thing to do. The kind of thing you hope somebody will do on your birthday. Really, if you're a polite person, you'll say thank you afterwards. I separate my exes into good exes and bad exes. On the list of bad ones, not a cocksucker in the bunch. On the good list, cocksuckers each and every one of them. Now I'm not saying that's what makes them good or bad exes. It's just that cocksucking and decency seem to go hand in hand. What can I say, I'm a romantic.
Advice for men: Do you want more head? I have a solution. You may say "ewwww" but bear with me. Get out there and suck some dick yourself. This works for two reasons. First, you then have ammunition to refute anything your mate says about it if she starts offering excuses that aren't actually true. For example: It's gross. Gross? Hardly. It's like sucking a thumb (or if he's big, an elbow). Second, it gives you an insight into what she's going through and may redefine your demands, expectations and boundaries. For example, I came to the conclusion that I don't like to swallow or have jiz in my mouth, so therefore I don't expect anybody else to. The rest of it though? The rest of it is the least they can do.
While I usually defer to the broad variety of humans' personal tastes, there seems something very wrong about not wanting to perform oral sex at least in some form. An indication that something else is wrong. Maybe my drive to do it is exaggerated (my mouth is watering just writing about it), but it seems to me the most natural reaction to arrousal is "get my face down there!". Nearly as natural as the humping instinct. Not liking oral sex is as weird to me as not liking chocolate.
In my experience in order for a person to be good in bed, they have to be at least good looking enough to have had some experience but not so good looking that they never had to try. The very good looking can be surprisingly lame in bed.
They say that men think about sex every ten minutes or thereabouts. This is insultingly absurd. There is no way to measure that. Once you start thinking about how often you think about something, you think about it all the time. It's a myth designed to propagate the false image that men are nothing but stupid and carnal. Some of us are quite smart and sweet. No really.
Jeez, I keep thinking of new sex thoughts. I think I'm going to have to make this a multi-parter.
"Captain Liberty: Why do you always hide behind sex?"
"Bat Manuel: I can't help it. It's so big."
- The Tick
How can I put this delicately? I, uh...got a...thang goin' on with, um...somebody, and I find my thoughts drifting southward in a zipperly direction. However, after a protracted period of self imposed semi-celibate contemplation, my thoughts are of a decidedly different and more complex flavor than they were before. At least I think they are. Here then, are some poorly organized thoughts of a crotchal bent:
Sex is viewed by people as many things: passionate, sacred, icky, predatory, sinful, magical, joyous, and many more. However, I've never heard it described, at least in any public forum, the way (one way) I like to think of it. I like to think of it as two (or more I suppose) people getting together and fiddling with their genitals in childlike, innocent fun. Joyous after a fashion, but with a mischievous giggle and feeling of "secret play time". When viewed like that, it takes away the prejudices and assumptions that can make sex so emotionally turbulent. It puts it on your terms and your terms only. It opens up possibilities of acceptable behavior that were unattainable before: You can be monogamous or polyamorous, gay or straight or bi or any combination you want, intimately emotional or coldly mercenary, deeply in love or just friends, penetrative or nonpenetrative. Since it's a just a fun game between your and your partner's inner children, the "rules" are whatever you make them. I like that view.
(this thought is courtesy of my friend Kim) All people look good naked. Hard to grok that, I know, but it's true. Clothing binds people into shapes to which their bodies are not naturally inclined. Without the restrictions of clothing, the body returns to it's natural shape and the innate beauty of even the "ugliest" people comes through. Not everybody is gorgeous naked, but everybody's natural beauty shows itself when nude.
I don't believe in "foreplay". Not in the sense that I'm one of those guys that just wants to stick it in; I leave that to the religious fundamentalists and repressed homosexuals. No, I mean that the term "foreplay" implies that everything you do prior to sticking the dick in the hole is just prep for sticking the dick in the hole and that sticking the dick in the hole is the inevitable result. It could be that my opinion on this subject comes from having dated and slept with a number of lesbians, but if you are doing something, you should be doing that as well as you can, not just using it to get to the next activity. Think about it this way: If foreplay exists, then no lesbian ever has sex. Sex is not just penetration. It's a whole spectrum of activities from kissing to fisting, all of which, if done well, can be ends in themselves not just build-up to coitus.
One reasons for promiscuity? The sneaking suspicion that this will the last time you have sex, because you can never figure out what exactly you did to get into this situation in the first place.
Why is cocksucker an insult? There are certainly worse things you could do to somebody. It's actually a pretty nice thing to do. The kind of thing you hope somebody will do on your birthday. Really, if you're a polite person, you'll say thank you afterwards. I separate my exes into good exes and bad exes. On the list of bad ones, not a cocksucker in the bunch. On the good list, cocksuckers each and every one of them. Now I'm not saying that's what makes them good or bad exes. It's just that cocksucking and decency seem to go hand in hand. What can I say, I'm a romantic.
Advice for men: Do you want more head? I have a solution. You may say "ewwww" but bear with me. Get out there and suck some dick yourself. This works for two reasons. First, you then have ammunition to refute anything your mate says about it if she starts offering excuses that aren't actually true. For example: It's gross. Gross? Hardly. It's like sucking a thumb (or if he's big, an elbow). Second, it gives you an insight into what she's going through and may redefine your demands, expectations and boundaries. For example, I came to the conclusion that I don't like to swallow or have jiz in my mouth, so therefore I don't expect anybody else to. The rest of it though? The rest of it is the least they can do.
While I usually defer to the broad variety of humans' personal tastes, there seems something very wrong about not wanting to perform oral sex at least in some form. An indication that something else is wrong. Maybe my drive to do it is exaggerated (my mouth is watering just writing about it), but it seems to me the most natural reaction to arrousal is "get my face down there!". Nearly as natural as the humping instinct. Not liking oral sex is as weird to me as not liking chocolate.
In my experience in order for a person to be good in bed, they have to be at least good looking enough to have had some experience but not so good looking that they never had to try. The very good looking can be surprisingly lame in bed.
They say that men think about sex every ten minutes or thereabouts. This is insultingly absurd. There is no way to measure that. Once you start thinking about how often you think about something, you think about it all the time. It's a myth designed to propagate the false image that men are nothing but stupid and carnal. Some of us are quite smart and sweet. No really.
Jeez, I keep thinking of new sex thoughts. I think I'm going to have to make this a multi-parter.
"Captain Liberty: Why do you always hide behind sex?"
"Bat Manuel: I can't help it. It's so big."
- The Tick
posted by John McKenna at 4:46 PM
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