Things I Don't Understand - Part 1
I'm something of a know-it-all. I am a walking encyclopedia of weird facts, and am constantly reading just enough to make me seem smart (and not a letter more). However, despite the fact that I know a great deal, I understand very little about life, people, and existence. Here, then, is part one of a list of things I don't understand:
There are languages in this world, French and Vietnamese come to mind but I'm sure there are others, that do not pronounce the ends of certain words. They will enunciate the front and then have 3, 4, 5 or more letters that are silent. Why don't they just not have those letters there in the first place?
How did we end up with names of countries in different languages? If you go somewhere and say "What is this place called?" and they say "Nippon.", how does "Japan" happen? If you say "Is this Japan?", isn't the logical response "No, this is Nippon."? Okay, maybe one guy had a speech impediment and couldn't say "Nippon"; all subsequent visitors can't possibly have the same impediment. So why is there a different name for Nippon in every language? The same goes for Espana, Italia, Deutchland, and every other country. Why don't we call it what the locals call it?
Part of growing up awkward, at least from my perspective, is knowing less than those around you about the expectations in social situations. "What am I supposed to be doing in this interaction? What is reasonable? What will make me look like a retard?" The awkwardness occurs when you don't know, but those around you somehow do. So where did the non-awkward learn it? Is there some sort of (metaphorical) behavioral memo that people subscribe to? I fully understand why we awkward types don't get this inside info on social grace; the information isn't readily available. What I don't understand is where do the socially graceful ones learn it?
Guys who regularly do complicated handshakes with one another cannot possibly do it spontaneously. They must learn it ahead of time and execute them at some mutually agreed time. So do they practice then? Do they sit around with their buddies practicing elaborate handshakes and discussing when and where to do them? You never see gay guys doing elaborate shakes but sitting around holding hands with your pals seems more than a little gay to me. How do the fancy handshake guys, a decidedly macho breed of man, humble themselves, dispense with their innate homophobia, and get together to practice? "Say, Bob, why don't you come over Sunday. We'll watch the game, down some brewskies, and practice fancy handshakes." I can't picture it.
It's incomprehensible to me how slowly some people can stand to walk. Now, I'm not talking about the injured or elderly. I'm talking about normal, young, healthy people, that walk like they have all the time in the world. Don't they have somewhere to go? And if not, why are they out walking? Wouldn't they rather get where they are going quickly so that they have more time to do whatever it is they're going there to do? Can't they feel the grim reaper breathing down their neck? They're wasting their own lives. That's suicide.
What's up with the insincerely cheerful people? We've all been in situations where we've had to act happy when we weren't. It's awful. It feels like the emotional equivalent of holding your breathe for longer than you think you can. But these people do it all day, every day. And I'm not talking about the genuinely cheerful people. I'm talking about the insincere ones. You can spot them a mile away and if you look in their eyes, you can see their souls dying. So why don't they just frown? Frown until they don't feel like frowning anymore. Or, more to the point, how can they bear to keep that up?
On a similar topic, what's up with the shmaltzy, saccharine, telephone persona? You know, the people that put in that little mini chuckle before they say "mmmb'bye now."? Or they talk in sing-songy baby talk. Can they not hear themselves?
Why will some people give you their life story in answer to a yes or no question and then never get to the yes or no part?
Why should I, or anybody else care about professional sports? No matter how enjoyable the game is to play, if you are not playing it and no one you know is playing it and you haven't bet money on it, you have no stake whatsoever in who wins. It does not affect your life or the life of anyone you know or are likely to meet. So what moves you to care? It's not civic pride. I know anarchists who care whether "their" team wins. Anarchists by definition cannot have civic pride. It's not support for the people in your community. Professional athletes only live where they live because the team pays them to live there. They draft them from other cities. Then there are the people who root for teams in other cities, some in cities they've never even been to. So much for civic pride and community support. Transference perhaps? Are sports fans laboring under the misapprehension that they are on the team? Seems a little unlikely. Can hundreds of millions of people really be that delusional? Maybe. Look at organized religion.
There are languages in this world, French and Vietnamese come to mind but I'm sure there are others, that do not pronounce the ends of certain words. They will enunciate the front and then have 3, 4, 5 or more letters that are silent. Why don't they just not have those letters there in the first place?
How did we end up with names of countries in different languages? If you go somewhere and say "What is this place called?" and they say "Nippon.", how does "Japan" happen? If you say "Is this Japan?", isn't the logical response "No, this is Nippon."? Okay, maybe one guy had a speech impediment and couldn't say "Nippon"; all subsequent visitors can't possibly have the same impediment. So why is there a different name for Nippon in every language? The same goes for Espana, Italia, Deutchland, and every other country. Why don't we call it what the locals call it?
Part of growing up awkward, at least from my perspective, is knowing less than those around you about the expectations in social situations. "What am I supposed to be doing in this interaction? What is reasonable? What will make me look like a retard?" The awkwardness occurs when you don't know, but those around you somehow do. So where did the non-awkward learn it? Is there some sort of (metaphorical) behavioral memo that people subscribe to? I fully understand why we awkward types don't get this inside info on social grace; the information isn't readily available. What I don't understand is where do the socially graceful ones learn it?
Guys who regularly do complicated handshakes with one another cannot possibly do it spontaneously. They must learn it ahead of time and execute them at some mutually agreed time. So do they practice then? Do they sit around with their buddies practicing elaborate handshakes and discussing when and where to do them? You never see gay guys doing elaborate shakes but sitting around holding hands with your pals seems more than a little gay to me. How do the fancy handshake guys, a decidedly macho breed of man, humble themselves, dispense with their innate homophobia, and get together to practice? "Say, Bob, why don't you come over Sunday. We'll watch the game, down some brewskies, and practice fancy handshakes." I can't picture it.
It's incomprehensible to me how slowly some people can stand to walk. Now, I'm not talking about the injured or elderly. I'm talking about normal, young, healthy people, that walk like they have all the time in the world. Don't they have somewhere to go? And if not, why are they out walking? Wouldn't they rather get where they are going quickly so that they have more time to do whatever it is they're going there to do? Can't they feel the grim reaper breathing down their neck? They're wasting their own lives. That's suicide.
What's up with the insincerely cheerful people? We've all been in situations where we've had to act happy when we weren't. It's awful. It feels like the emotional equivalent of holding your breathe for longer than you think you can. But these people do it all day, every day. And I'm not talking about the genuinely cheerful people. I'm talking about the insincere ones. You can spot them a mile away and if you look in their eyes, you can see their souls dying. So why don't they just frown? Frown until they don't feel like frowning anymore. Or, more to the point, how can they bear to keep that up?
On a similar topic, what's up with the shmaltzy, saccharine, telephone persona? You know, the people that put in that little mini chuckle before they say "mmmb'bye now."? Or they talk in sing-songy baby talk. Can they not hear themselves?
Why will some people give you their life story in answer to a yes or no question and then never get to the yes or no part?
Why should I, or anybody else care about professional sports? No matter how enjoyable the game is to play, if you are not playing it and no one you know is playing it and you haven't bet money on it, you have no stake whatsoever in who wins. It does not affect your life or the life of anyone you know or are likely to meet. So what moves you to care? It's not civic pride. I know anarchists who care whether "their" team wins. Anarchists by definition cannot have civic pride. It's not support for the people in your community. Professional athletes only live where they live because the team pays them to live there. They draft them from other cities. Then there are the people who root for teams in other cities, some in cities they've never even been to. So much for civic pride and community support. Transference perhaps? Are sports fans laboring under the misapprehension that they are on the team? Seems a little unlikely. Can hundreds of millions of people really be that delusional? Maybe. Look at organized religion.
posted by John McKenna at 3:38 PM
1 Comments:
burdening Garage Door Openers battista Area Rugs veiled Omeprazole congested Vacuum Cleaners sitec Annuity Calculator burgeoning Bariatric Surgery katrina Electric Blankets medically
Post a Comment
<< Home